Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I just wanted to give a quick update to say


What's this? Why it's only my FIRST COMPLETED CROCHET PROJECT!


Sunday, July 18, 2010

Good news everyone!

I, Amber, am now the proud owner of her own website! You can find me at: !

Go on, go check it out!


Notice anything?


Yeah. When I bought it I "kinda" forgot I don't know anything about making a website. At all. A small flaw in my brilliant plan.

It's not like I want a complicated site. I just want a single portal that links to other sites I'm a part of. Here's my basic idea:

Name. Knitting image. Four picture links, each leading to my email/store/blog/flickr. No muss, no fuss.

If anyone knows how to make this AND can be paid in handknit kittens please drop me a line.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Since all (nine) of you have been so good, I think I'll actually treat you to a story from my vacation. Not one about Saturday, which I spent walking around in the rain reflecting on my future and all of the possibilities spread out before me.

No! This is about a YARN STORE.

See, while I was in New Hope I stopped by two yarn stores since all of the ones near me have either closed or are run by old bitches. The first one I went to was awesome! It was run by a woman about my Mom's age, and since I was the only customer there we had a nice chat about felting and yarn and the Kutztown Festival.

The problem was the second one.

The second I stepped in I knew I was in one of *those* shops. This wasn't a shop run by someone who loved knitting and accepting all knitters. No, this was run by a rich old woman who was pissed off that people outside of her circle of friends was shopping there. I was greeted as I walked in (by someone who didn't work there, the shopkeeper ignored me) and I wandered off to go find some affordable yarn.

Hah. Half of the shop was taken up by spinning wheels and enough roving to pay for me to go back to school. Finally, in a dusty corner I found the discount bin and the cheapest ball of yarn there cost $20 holy shit. If that wasn't bad then I found a kit for a scarf that cost $150! Jesus Christ!

After a little digging around I found a ball of 220 (wool, for you non-yarn freaks) at a shockingly reasonable $6. It was a nice red/black mix so I decided to grab it. One of nowhere the shopkeep appears next to me, offering to hold it while "I continued shopping."

"Oh no." I said, "I'm just buying this one skein."

I'm pretty sure she would have stabbed me right there and then if she could.

Some people may be put off by a look of pure vile and hatred from a yarn store owner. Not me! Hell, I can't wait to come back next year! I'm going to buy an even cheaper ball of yarn!

TODAY'S SODA: Sarsaparilla

Who the fuck put soap in my root beer?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Friday (of my vacation) found myself in an odd situation: Due to circumstances I had to stay at two different hotels. Although it worked out in the long run there was a period of five hours between when I checked out of the first one and when I could check into the second one. I decided to spend my time going from mall to mall. Arcade, the buffet, and no less than six different arts and craft stores!

It was at one of those stores when I discovered that BERNAT ROVING ISN'T REAL ROVING WHAT THE HELL

For those who don't know: Roving is the stage between "a pile of wool" and "yarn". Roving is thick, barely spun at all, and felts if you look at it the wrong way. Seriously, one yarn store had a sample of knitted roving that was starting to felt just from the people who had handled it over the years. Roving is perfect for felting, aka my bread and butter.

But this...this is LIES. Oh, I knew I wouldn't be getting great wool when I first picked it up. Probably the scratchest, cheapest wool on the planet. But you know what? That's the wool that felts the best! I might have bought one of every color they had if it wasn't for one tiny, important detail.

It's 80% Acrylic.

This is the equivalent of going to a steakhouse and being served a McDonald's burger. Oh, when you go to McD's you know what you're getting. But when you go to a steakhouse you have expectations. I admit that this stuff would probably make some kicking rad thick hats and scarves but DON'T CALL YOURSELF ROVING IF YOU'RE NOT 100% WOOL JESUS CHRIST FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

Okay, I feel better now. ONTO THE SODA.

TODAY'S SODA: Orange Cream

Remember when you were little, and how heavenly an orange creamsicle tasted on the first really hot day of summer?

Yeah, this is like a thousand times better. FUTURE AMBER: Buy like twenty of these next year.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I suppose I should start on my vacation stories now. Like how I visited New Hope on Thursday and now the town totally sucks now.

But instead I need to talk about THE ENEMY

Today I have declared war on my brother, the "King of Ding-A-Ling" His reign over Christmas music based cheerfulness has gone unchecked for far too long! I, the King(Queen) of Wishful Thinking will be deploying a Plushie Bunny missile me go do that right now.

SUCCESS! The Plush Bunny missile was deployed right upside my brother's head! He appears to be tearing up a little, though he claims it's because he's watching Up, and not from my brutal attack.

Fear not, citizens! I shall continue to launch my all-out attack as long as I have small plushie things in arm's reach.

TODAY'S SODA: Birch Beer!

I made the terrible mistake of trying Diet Birch Beer while still in Kutztown. That, tragically, tasted like someone allowed me to have a diluted sip of real birch beer onto to follow it up by shoving a handful of Splenda in my mouth. It was also an odd pale yellow while this is, well, soda.

The taste is as if a root beer came along and punched me in the mouth for insulting it's mother. Strong, overwhelming, but frankly I deserve it.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Last week was my yearly vacation to the greatest spot on Earth: Kutztown, PA!

Yes you heard me right. Every year I scrape and save all for the chance of spending a few days in the middle of Amish country. Why? Because I'm a bleedn' loony. Also yarn.

But that's not important. What is important is that I discovered that Kutztown Soda has switched to being made with REAL CANE SUGAR. See, I was cursed years ago with an allergy to corn syrup. Although I've gained a resistance to it I still get knocked on my ass when I drink real soda.

Which is why I am very, VERY happy to find this soda! Shame I didn't find it until my last day of vacation, or I would have had a few gallons while I was there. I've picked up five in order to help ease me back into this terrible existance which is living in NJ.


I have often talked about the problem with cartoon food. See, no matter what food is being shown in a cartoon it looks roughly 1000x more tasty than it actually is. Take Bugs Bunny's carrot soup. I know for a fact that said soup would taste like (ugh) carrots, yet I can't help drooling every time I see him cook it. I imagine it tastes buttery for some reason. Mmm.

I bring this up because Red Cream tastes like cartoon cherry pie. Cherry pie is...okay. Kinda tart. But cherry pie in a cartoon looks like something you would deer shank your grandmother for. It's cherry and cream that's sweet without being painfully sweet. This is the sort of pie I can see a cartoon cat chasing a cartoon mouse/bird/kangaroo over.

On that note: I will never, EVER forgive Fraggle Rock for lieing to me about radishes. I trusted you, Jim Henson!

Kutztown RED CREAM SODA FROM PENNSYLVANIA - "Nix Besser ebenso aus Texas!", 12-Ounce Glass Bottle (Pack of 12)

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Okay, I'm going to post this now because if I don't in a year I'll be silently cursing myself.

Ahem. FUTURE AMBER! This is how you knitted your bunnies!

CO 24
Knit in round till 30in long


CO 1
Inc, Knit to end
Repeat till you have 7 stitches

Inc, Knit till last 3, dec, knit
Repeat till 60in long

Knit, dec, knit, dec, knit
dec, dec, knit
Cast off

THERE. That's how you made the bunnies. Also you need to remember to bring on your vacation:

Your Hairbrush
Chargers for your Phone, iPod, GPS
At least one knitting project
A camera which I hope you bought at Christmas or else I'll be sad
Make-up + one nice outfit
Face wash stuff
Much needed Pills
Spare Glasses
Pillow (good idea, Dad)
The Cold Food bag to bring the cake home in
And travel-sized: Toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, and deodorant.

Okay, I'm off to go start the Gay* Mummy book. By this time next year Future Amber should be a millionaire!

*Not gay is in bad or stupid. This Mummy has sex with other male Mummies and there is nothing wrong with that. I only want the Mummy's happiness.